My advice to parents who are entering an open adoption is, first and foremost, to be flexible. Because they will come into the process with sort of an idea in mind of what they think will be their ideal open adoption situation and it’s difficult to do that without knowing the person who will become their birth mom. If it’s somebody that they really hit it off with, they may want visits more frequently; or, geography may prevent more frequent visits and lend itself more to contact via the internet. So, the adoptive parents should be flexible but they also have to be willing to take on a certain level of risk because there’s always a lot of unknowns. We tell our adoptive parents as well as birth parents, that they have to have the expectation that their relationship is going to evolve over the years, just like my relationship, our relationship, with my kid’s birth family has evolved. So, they have to have that expectation and things change.
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