Homework. It’s a dreaded word for most kids and often for adults, too! When raising a child with learning challenges, the dread factor wrapped up in that one word can rise dramatically. When your child’s learning challenges are rooted in prenatal substance exposure to drugs and alcohol, trauma, neurodiversity, or other causes, homework time may be a significant source of stress and anxiety for you and your child. Developing a few critical healthy homework habits can help reduce stress and pave the way to a more peaceful experience in your home.
Consider the Opportunity
Whether your child’s teacher assigns daily practice, occasional projects, or some mix of the two, consider the opportunity that homework time offers you and your child. In the early years of their educational experience, regular homework can be a chance for this child to learn the value of daily habits, hard work, and consistency.
While you certainly don’t want daily battles and push-back, you want your child to learn to handle responsibility and take ownership over their educational journey. By viewing this time as an opportunity for more significant learning beyond problems on a math worksheet, you can communicate a sense of capability and ownership to your child.
Consider Your Family’s Balance
You don’t want your child tied to the kitchen table or their laptop for hours after school every day. So, while considering homework as an opportunity for your child to learn consistency and capability, carefully consider the right balance for this child and your family. Your child needs downtime, playtime, and family time every day. Balancing all those needs against their ability to hang in there for more schoolwork can be its own learning curve that changes frequently. Please do your best to assess what this child needs and flex with it.
5 Practical Tips to Set Up Healthy Homework Habits
1. Choose a consistent time of day.
Kids impacted by trauma, prenatal substance exposure, or learning differences will benefit from the predictability and consistency of regular daily homework time. While some kids do their best by tackling homework when they arrive home, after a snack and drink, others do better with a break for physical activity. Still, other kids will benefit from a more extended break and a quiet, designated homework session after dinner. Talk about it with your kids and offer them input on the plan for what time works best for your child – and your family. Then, stick to it as much as possible.
2. Designate a specific homework space.
Whether it’s the kitchen table, a desk in their room, or a space in the family room, your younger kids should have a specific location that they can use for study and work time. Easy access to pencils, outlets for laptops, workspace, and good lighting are necessary. Try to create a clutter-free, welcoming space that reinforces the message that their work is essential.
As your children get older, they may find other spaces to work, like their bedroom or the couch. Allow some freedom unless you see it’s not working well for them. By the time they are in middle or high school, you should be able to talk about what works and what doesn’t about the spaces they choose. Giving them a voice is crucial in these choices to help them learn the healthy sense of ownership you want for them.
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3. Fuel them well for homework time.
Your child’s rapidly growing brain and body need healthy fuel. You can verbally affirm them when you offer them healthy snacks and drinks while they work. Acknowledging the hard work their whole body is doing is a validation that can also fuel their sense of self.
“4th grade math takes lots of brain power. Here’s a cheese stick and orange juice to feed your hard-working brain. Great job sticking with it today!” Or “I know that writing that paper is taking extra energy. Here’s a turkey sandwich to give you a boost. Hang in there, you are being so diligent.”
4. Play a Supporting Role.
No matter what grade your child is in, this is their homework, not yours. Isn’t that a relief? It may sound funny to say that directly, but you must allow your child to complete the work. You can help, prompt, re-direct, and support them toward completion, but you should resist the urge to take over or “do it right” for them. They need ownership over the process to fully accomplish the assignment’s learning objectives and develop the capability and confidence to keep learning.
Each time your child gets stuck or struggles, consider how to take a few steps back with them and try to re-approach the dilemma from different angles. You can model skills like thinking outside the box and perseverance when you resist taking center stage by solving the struggle for them.
5. Establish Guidelines for Homework Time.
During homework time, a few basic rules, such as no cell phones or video games, can offer boundaries that enforce the message that this is essential work. Consider a start and end time or the number of minutes your child spends on homework – especially when they struggle. Your district should have guidelines or policies to help you determine your limits. Some parents find it useful to communicate their limits to the teachers, particularly in the earlier grade levels.
You can get your student’s buy-in by brainstorming what other rules might be necessary for all homework time to be efficient and peaceful. Your child might benefit from seeing those rules in their homework space. Other children may want the rules taped inside a binder or daily agenda. Some schools send homework folders, which are good places to tape the guidelines. Younger kids may need pictures to remind them of their rules.
When Homework is a Significant Challenge
What do you do when your child has a full-blown meltdown because today’s assignment is too much, or they are just *done* with it all for the day? The best option is to put the homework aside for the night!
Your child needs to trust that you are a safe space and that home is a sanctuary from the challenges they face every day. Pushing them to complete an assignment over their objections and distress will likely erode that trust. Instead, prioritize and support healthy connections by closing those books and stepping away from the homework space. Do another activity that is calming and connecting for you both. You can always write a note to let the teacher know that homework was too much of a struggle for the night. Try again tomorrow, offering your comforting presence that assures your child they are not facing the battle alone.
What About a “No Homework” Policy?
Many families raising kids with significant learning or attachment struggles choose to include an unofficial policy of “no homework” as part of an IEP or 504 plan. It can be a valid tool to help your child keep home and school separate and reinforce the message that home is their haven from the roles they must play in school. Only you can know whether this unofficial policy is worth including in your child’s learning plans. Don’t ask the school’s opinion if you choose to pursue it. Instead, request that they write it into the IEP or 504 as one of the accommodations that best suits your child’s needs. It may require extra advocacy, but commit to it if you feel it’s right for your child.
Keep the Teacher in the Loop
Suppose you don’t include a “no homework” policy in your child’s official learning support plan. In that case, keep the teacher up to speed with how your child’s daily homework experience progresses.
Start the conversation early in the year, including a summary of last year’s experience and your plan for handling it at home this year. Don’t approach it as asking permission to decline homework on any given night. Instead, try to gain the teacher’s buy-in by talking about prioritizing your relationship with this child and building their confidence and trust in other ways. Most of the time, teachers of elementary-aged children don’t want homework to be a source of stress for their students.
If homework is still a significant source of struggle as your child grows into middle and high school, request a meeting with the teacher to discuss options. You can usually come to some compromise with the teachers if you approach them with a sincere offer to collaborate for your child’s success. You might also consider how to include “no homework” into their educational plan at this stage.
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Homework Challenges are Overcomeable!
The new school year feels like a fresh slate for many families, full of excitement and hope. When raising a child who struggles in school, you can help set this tone of hope by discussing school, learning, and “becoming” as opportunities to explore together. By being present and prioritizing your relationship over tasks like math worksheets or writing essays, your child can explore these learning challenges from a place of safety. Trusting you to “have their back” when a challenge becomes a meltdown is what your child needs.
Every student (and parent!) experiences these moments of frustration. Your child needs to know the struggle is overcomeable. The healthy homework habits you help them develop can reduce the stress and anxiety of those struggles to keep your home as the sanctuary they need.
This post was originally published by Creating A Family on August 29, 2024. View the original post here.
