Born in 1981 and adopted at two weeks old, Heather enjoyed a happy childhood in Maple Grove, Minnesota. Her adoptive parents explained her adoption to her early on, making her feel loved and special.
“They always told me I was adopted and that I had grown in their hearts for a very long time,” said Heather. “From early on, I understood I had a birth mother, adoptive parents, and a spiritual father in God, and they all loved me. I felt very special.”
Despite this, as a young adult, she yearned to know her birth mother. “My wish was to someday have her at my wedding.”
In 2008, at 27, Heather contacted CH/LSS post adoption services for help in finding her birth mother. She learned her birth mother had signed a release allowing Heather access to her original birth certificate.
Two weeks later, she opened the mail and found a document — a birth certificate for a baby girl, including the names of the baby, the birth mother and the birth father. Heather was puzzled. “Seeing this document didn’t make sense until I saw the birthdate. I said, ‘Wait a minute, that’s my birthday.’ Then I realized what it was — the baby named on the birth certificate was me. I couldn’t identify with it.”
Feeling that she had enough information for the time being, Heather put the document away and let five years pass.
I waited for an inkling or an inner voice that said, ‘Now is the time to take a step.’
That inkling happened in 2013. Heather was single, looking forward to getting married and starting a family. She had already learned her mother was 16-years old when she gave birth. She had already looked up the name in the phone book. Her inner voice led her to Facebook. “I looked her up and found her. I knew it was her, because she looked exactly like me — hair, eyes, face, cheeks, nose. I wanted to reach out.”
Heather considered writing her birth mother a letter but heard from post-adoption services and adoption literature that she may never know if it reached the right person. So, she asked a mentor to make a phone call on her behalf.
“The woman on the phone denied having a child in that time frame,” Heather’s mentor relayed after the call. “Even though we were very confident it was my birth mother, it sounded like it was an awkward conversation. My mentor left her phone number, as well as the number for CH/LSS, but there hasn’t been any contact since.”
When Heather married in 2017, she thought about reaching out to her birth mother, but didn’t. She thought again about calling when her daughter was born in 2020. But she didn’t. The yearning is still there, but the inner voice hasn’t spoken — yet.
“Is the door closed? No, it’s open,” said Heather. “All I really want is for her to know about me and to know my gratitude for how my life turned out. If she ever had a doubt about the decision she made, I want her know it was the right one for me. For now, my heart is open for what may happen in the future.”
Heather is grateful to CH/LSS for helping her parents grow their family through adoption. She and her family made a donation to CH/LSS in memory of their father after he died, and they continue their generosity through annual financial gifts.
“CH/LSS has been there for our family throughout our lives,” Heather said. “We want to make sure the organization can continue to help people, during adoption and beyond. I’m really grateful for the life I have, and CH/LSS is part of that.”
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